The Possible Self ‘Smiling & Self-Esteem’

Day 2 and no coffee.

The pot, the coffee and the milk are all there.   The old self would love a cup.  The possible self helps me to imagine myself making the coffee, filling the base of the pot with water, adding the coffee, then screwing down the top part, turning on the hot plate and away it goes…….now its brewing nicely….that gurgling sound and burnt aroma calls you to attention,  and its ready to pour.  The mug my daughter gave me with all the sheep is full to the brim and I am taking the first sip.  I don’t want anymore! I have had enough!

I do love the ritual of making it, so I will do that exercise every day in my mind until it’s replaced with an even better ritual.  I have gotten through my second morning without it……well done me!   I feel good about myself and with that sunrise I am off to a good start to my day.  My self-esteem is well charged!

My life is made up of small wins like that.  And, that is what makes me smile.  I smile a lot.  It’s a habit I developed no matter what my circumstance.   I am BIG into smiling, not false smiles but from the core.  A conscious smile.

It stops the monkey mind in its tracks.
It’s an immediate positive energy charge to your body, mind, spirit, and
It radiates to the world around you.

Sometimes, you get others to smile, by smiling in their direction. They may drop that grimace which says ‘leave me alone, you have no idea what is going on in my life’ attitude.  If you also manage to make eye contact they will almost certainly smile back, and feel better if only for a moment.  No matter what your circumstances you have given yourself a wonderful ‘pause’ and it may even break into a fit of laughter and belly aches, and you may have no idea what you are laughing about.  It feels good and what feels good in these pauses is what nourishes our self-esteem.

Practice smiling in the mirror….the way you feel when you make a false smile, and the way you feel when you really smile.  It’s really good to do when you are truly stressed, when every muscle in your body is so tense you think you are going to snap…..go to the loo…….and smile as you pee, as you are washing your hands and looking in the mirror, as you leave the bathroom and go about your day.  Smile to yourself, smile to the world around you.

Do you have a photo of yourself wearing a smile that is truly you smiling from your core?  Not photos of your children, dogs, your woman or man in your life, one of you!  If you don’t have one it’s time you did.  Not a photo smile…you know what I am talking about!  Write a note to yourself about the smile that makes you smile even more.  Keep it on your person at all times.  If you don’t know your own smile how can you begin to feel really good about yourself.

Our self-esteem goes through so many ups and downs in our lives, it’s a wonder we ever get to grips with who we are and listen to our possible self.  One day we feel on top of the world, and the next we are back in our own fog.  Life is a seascape of change.  Just watch the waves rise and fall as they come to shore.  The lighting, mood and atmosphere that is in the air…….the colours that wash the scape……it’s never the same from one second to the next.

Nothing is constant in the natural world around you or in your own life.

Observe a sequence in your mind:  e.g. an idea you have gets you excited and your imagination gets fired up….a mean glance or a word from a friend….a family member or colleague stirs a bad feeling in you…. a music track awakens a nostalgic memory for you….a noise in the hot water pipe agitates you….you missed a call from the bank on purpose because you are overdrawn and you feel queasy….a friend is sick and you hear it’s not good news and you feel sad….you open a letter that says your project has been accepted and that the contract is on its way….you  want to go diving but there is a tear in your suit….your daughter has decided to quit college….your investments are not working out….your partner has text you to say that you need to talk, s/he is not happy in the relationship….you missed your doctor’s appointment again….the building contractor has left your house and the work is not finished or done well….your mother has made you dinner and expects you at six….your sister has sent you a beautiful email about a memory she had of you both in school….your dog has had a litter of pups and they all have homes….

All of the above is going on in your mind at some level as you go about your day.  Some of the events make you feel good and hopeful and some make you feel despair.

You go to the bathroom, sit on the loo and hold your head in your hands and wonder how you are keeping it all going.  It’s the stuff of your life.  You take your smiling photo from your pocket….you look at it and smile a little….you read what is on the back of it and you smile some more….you put the photo on the sink as you wash your hands….you are really smiling, almost chuckling….you dry your hands….you put the photo back in your pocket and get back to your day.  You took a pause.  A pause that boosts your self-esteem if only for a moment….keep on doing it and finding other ways like this that work for you…….it’s the treasured moments that remind us of who we are and the possible self that brings us through every time.

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