The Possible Self ‘Self-Esteem & Living with Kindness’

It’s a cold cloudy blustery new morning  on the Mediterranean on this eight-day of February….and the sun manages to cast it’s rays, through the clouds to light up our stage….so let’s get a move on….open your imaginary closet….reach in and take out that splendid full length TPS soft silk flowing invisible coat….with a golden background where shades of violet….indigo blues….cadmium yellows….and vermillion red….weave abstract patterns that whirl and come alive as you think and go about your day….the lining tickles you, and warms you up when you are kind to yourself and others….and don’ forget to wear that great smile of yours….live with THE POSSIBLE YOU today!

Eight day and no coffee!  I have no desire to have one.  Even after lunch yesterday, when  a friend was having one, me, myself, I abstained.  That put a really big smile on my face, and the Oscar award goes to the woman who is living her possible self.  Yippee!  My herb teas are on their way…all kinds of flavours….and tomorrow I shop in a local ‘Salle de Vente’ in my village (a fancy second-hand shop) for a beautiful cup, saucer and tray to use for my morning ritual of tea-making. Hmmmmmmmm!

How did you fare on the self-kindness assessment from yesterday?  Kindness is a beautiful attribute to have towards yourself and others.  It makes you feel all warm inside and lights up your heart space.  When you see or hear someone being kind to another it has the same effect.  Each of us are capable of it,  and it begins and ends with the individual; the giver and the receiver.  Until, we practice it towards ourselves, we are missing the fullness of that feeling you get from being kind.

We can choose to turn on and off kindness towards ourselves and others.   We can say to ourselves “let someone else get the door, I am too busy or s/he is not worth the effort”,  “I will keep on berating myself because it’s my pattern, habit and/or behaviour”, “I will wait for her to pick up the phone or email me because she caused the fight,”  That kind of thinking is from an old paradigm, inherited from all kinds of places and from all kinds of people and is the opposite to kindness.  Cruelty is not an attribute that builds our self-esteem.  Life is too short to not know kindness in yourself and in others. Where are you in life in the space between birth and death -20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, 100’s?  It’s never too late to truly know kindness!

I was waiting for a bus to go to town the other day.  It came towards me and it had a sign saying ‘Complet…Full’.  “Dam”, I said to myself, “now I am going to be late for my meeting etc.etc.”  While that was going on in my mind, I smiled a really big sincere smile at the driver and she stopped the bus and let me on.  I said thank you for stopping, paid for my ticket, kept on smiling and took my seat.  I was totally aware of my ‘wee hissy fit’ and of the smiling communication I had with the driver.  Get this the bus was not full.  Was the driver being unkind?  There were two other seats vacant and no one standing.  We got to the next stop and she drives passed it where people were waiting.  The next stop, she stops for a mother and child.  The following stop a woman was running to the get the bus, she drives by.  We , some of the fellow travellers called out to her to stop, she did and waited for the woman.  The drivers kindness was turning on and off like clouds passing over the sun.  She goes all the way to town and does not stop again until we reach the terminal leaving passengers waiting for the next bus along the way.  The driver was having a bad day, her concentration, even tough she was a driver, was not on the job.  And it effected everyone’s mood on the bus…there were heads going from side to side, and chatter of disquiet, not to talk of the people who had to wait for the next bus.  My smile connected with her and then she went back to whatever was occupying her mind.  All during that day I observed the beauty and the absence of kindness around me.

As a species we are 200,000 years old, and we have a long way to go yet, to realize our full potential of kindness in our society.  It begins with you and me and it spreads.  Observe kindness, in thought, word and deed:  on the tv programs and films you watch, the books your read, in the street, in your home, in college, in the workplace, in your gym, on the plane, in the restaurant, on the phone and wherever you are for one day.  Note them down and then check in with yourself and assess how many of these acts of kindness have performed or not on occasion!  As my wise mother used to say to us as children “if you don’t have something good to say about someone, say nothing at all’.
The Possible Self is with you everyday!  How do you choose to behave?

Keep on wearing that wonderful smile of yours…….

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