Self-esteeem -the coffee bean & love beam

www.thepossibleself.com
And today’s sunrise is accompanied by ‘altostratus clouds’ further down on the horizon.  It’s amazing to think that we left school at twelve years old and could not read and name the clouds, and yet we spent hours gazing at the patterns they made.

See http://www.miamisci.org/ecolinks/activities/Atmosphere/cloudsinajar/clouddes.html for an introduction.
The horizon line was a cadmium red at 7.am and was quiet a picture!  I decided to watch it and take the photo later.  You do know that it is the Earth’s motion, not the Sun’s that causes the Sun to appear.  Let me find out why and when we started to tell the story the other way around: of the sun rise.  That’s for tomorrow with some tales on the mythologies of the sun in various traditions!  The stage is set and we are at the beginning of a new week’s chapter on the topic of ‘Love’ from the possible self.

It’s my thirteenth day without coffee.  I almost had my hand on the coffee pot yesterday morning during a ten minute blueish dip.  I wanted the fix.  I abstained.  I had that first imaginative sip and the taste didn’t do it for me.  Was that luck? Or just plain old, “You like the ritual and now the taste buds are saying no?”   Whatever was going on, it worked for me and I had water instead.   Fancy that, two liters a day since I stopped drinking coffee.   Let’s call it self-love.  I love myself enough to do what is loving and kind towards my own body and mind.

It’s Valentine’s day tomorrow.  Have you considered if you are going to celebrate it?  If yes, what are you going to do? If you are on your own then practice self-love: do something special for you.  If it’s for a family member or friend, or that special person you had better get your skates on………..

For an Oxford dictionary meaning for LOVE go to:   http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/love?q=love

There are many ways in which we experience the emotion of ‘love’.  The feeling it creates is life giving at all times.  It boosts your self-esteem at the rate of knots.  It affects our heart, mind and spirit, the chemical reactions in the body are so strong that it’s impossible not to feel and react to it.  Love is an energy like no other that is felt in a moment, an hour, a day, a year, a lifetime; felt as a touch, in a word that journeys in the magical garden of our mind and souls.  And when it leaves we are devastated as we wait for the memories to fade with the hours, the days and the years.  Our memories and dreams of love are the warmest and coolest coats to wear in the loneliness and joy of our minds.  Love has inspired, motivated and encouraged creativity and imagination across all cultures, genders, creeds and time in every form of art, music and literature.   There is nothing like it and kindness to make us feel so lovingly whole and elated.

Let’s look at the various kinds of love;
Interpersonal loves:

  •    A mother or father’s (usually) unconditional intense love for their child
  •    A love between friends
  •    A love between family members
  •    A lovers’ love for each other
  •    A partners’ love for each other
  •    A husband and wife’s love for each other
  •    A love for your hero or heroine

A person’s love for:

  •    animals;
  •    the environment;
  •    their country;
  •    art;
  •    sport;
  •    musical instrument;
  •    music;
  •    food;
  •    literature;
  •    traveling;
  •    culture;
  •    politics;
  •    wine;
  •    mythology
  •    coffee (!!!!!);
  •    religion; etc.

There is a his/herstory to all these loves, when they began, how they developed the intensities of feelings, sensations, duration and the memories they leave in every moment and year.  How we give and receive love as a child is different in how we do so as an adult.  Each love received and given tells us more and more about ourselves.  Over the next week we will explore the different ‘love’ feelings and experiences we have and ways the possible self can grow your love for those you love in your life.  Two stories before we talk of romantic love as it’s the big ‘V’ day tomorrow. .

Story 1:
I had a gentleman in a TPS program who was in his early 60’s.  He was about to leave on the fifth day when I asked him what he most loved to do as a child?
He thought for a few minutes and replied “singing in the school choir” .
“Why”, I asked.
He thought again and this time his eyes sparkled “I loved it because it filled my heart with pure joy to sing with all my friends, I have not experienced that kind of joy since then.”
I suggested “Why not join your church choir as you like going to church.  The joy is still there if you want it”
He looked at me and frowned a bit and said “You must be crazy woman, that was a long time ago.”
“You said during your program that you loved to sing in the shower, and when you are in the car on your own, and that you had a reasonable singing voice, so why not, all you have to do is join up and turn up” I replied.
He walked away saying goodbye with a big smirk on his face.
A month later I get a telephone call from him saying he joined the choir and he cried with joy on his way home after the first rehearsal.  “I am in love with singing again, thank you, it makes me so happy”.
All I did was make a suggestion and he followed his possible self that gives him the joy and love for singing.

Story 2:
I had a couple in a TPS program.  They were partners for over 30 years, not married by choice.  They wanted to explore how they could get excited again about their life together now that their children were living and working in another country.   They each explored their own tree of life, and later did one each of their experience of their partnership.  When I hung all four drawings on the wall of the studio, and they viewed them, they looked at each other and asked “What house were you living in all these years?  We have two very different perceptions about our story!” The only common part of the story is that they both felt very loved and were happy as individuals.  They were shocked and looked at each other and burst out laughing.  Nervous laughter, love laughter who knows!  They took half a day to listen to each other’s story to-date, and then agreed it was an old chapter now, in the past.

Then they looked at me.  I suggested they each do a separate tree of life, from now ‘til death, of what they wanted to achieve in all areas of their life, in complete honesty.  They were a little shocked that I used the time they had left to focus their attention.  Judging by their health and enthusiasm for life, they have another 30 to 40 years left to stay excited about their lives.  They beavered away in a lot of haste and contemplation on their drawing.  When they viewed each other’s drawing, they were even more surprised at first, but then got really excited about each other’s thoughts on their possibilities.  They listened as the other worked through how they could achieve their ideas, and helped each other out to make written plans.  Almost four months later, they rang me to say they were in the airport, and both heading in different directions.  I asked how they felt; he said he was more in love with his woman now than he had been in years, as she was following her bliss and so was he.  She said she was nervous as hell, excited, felt extremely loved and supported, would see me next year, when they both would return to their home, which was now divided into two apartments and let for the year.

This couple had a whole lot of love for each other despite observing their differences.  Not once in five days did I hear an unkind word, or bad vibe pass between them.  Both of them were in love with life and wanted each other to get the best they could from it.  They oozed that magic.  With a therapist they worked through their fears, issues and thoughts on being alone, telling their children (who totally supported their decisions), financial security etc.  They went to a financial advisor and legal advisor on how to manage their affairs, so that they were both comfortable and satisfied with the arrangements they made.  Their self-love and mutual love suport that they demonstrated was tremendous to experience.  Not all couples are like this, but they certainly displayed for me the immense power of love.

Both the couple and the gentleman’s story were approved for this blog.

Write a list of the person or persons that you feel closest to on this the 13th February 2012 and go through them one by one to consider and answer the following:

  •    Do you love him/her?
  •    Why do you love him/her?
  •    How do you love them?
  •    How do they make you feel?
  •    Now stand in their shoes and see how they return that love to you, if they do?
  •    Is your love unconditional?
  •    Or have you expectations in return for the love you give and receive?
  •    Is it a lustful love?
  •    Is it a respectful love?
  •    Is it a deceptive love?
  •    Is it an honest love?
  •    Is it a two way love?
  •    Is it a love of the heart and mind?
  •    Do they excite you and do you excite them?
  •    Do you smile all over when you think of them?
  •    What would happen if they got ill or died?

How we love affects our energy levels as it does our self-worth.

Observe how your love for another/s effects your SWE barometer, that we introduced to measure your self-worth energy in the last blog, just as kindness does but the sensations are different at times.  We take love for granted.  It’s like the air we breathe and it too needs to be felt, nourished and articulated.  Don’t wait until it’s too late to express your love in words or gestures, both are best, for whoever it is, partner, husband, wife, lover, friend, family member, etc., and be honest in your expression:  what have you got to lose?

To-morrow is Valentine’s day.  So I will blog about romance and all the fabulously beautiful sensational feelings that go with it.

Don’t forget to wear your smile as you go about your day.

Some sayings on love:
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”  Rumi

“The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present.”    Barbara De Angelis

“Life is the flower for which love is the honey.”    Victor Hugo

“Love doesn’t sit there like a stone. It has to be made like bread; remade all the time, made new.”    Ursula K. Le Guin

“Age does not protect you from love, but love to some extent protects you from age.”

Jeanne Moreau

info@thepossibleself.com

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