I was watching the dawn early this morning. It started with a wide band of pastel pinks, oranges and yellows along the horizon. As the light started to intensify the colours did too. At the eastern end of the bay, the sun rose and beamed its rays of red and golden light through the dramatic cloud formation that lingered over the sky as her majesty rose higher and higher above the earth to bring us day light. Theatre is all around us every minute of every day. Everything is in motion, day by day as we grow older and hopefully more curious and marvel about the workings of ourselves and the world around us.
This morning I was curious about the sound of the sun. Of course we can’t hear it as its 150 million Kilometres (93 million miles) away. Imagine if you were the film director this morning and you could record everything in nature, no matter the distance or density. Imagine the sound track you would have. The hum from the ball of iron at the core of the earth, sounds from all the other spheres of the earth, the sea, the sun, the clouds, the atmospheres, the birds, the trees, etc. A sound-scape of all the natural sounds outside us on this day in February. My sound memory of the magical sun rise.
Before this morning, I had not thought about the sound of the sun. The ‘experiential self’ was watching the sun rise, and the ‘possible self’ asked the question. The ‘remembering self’ who is the archivist of memories, knew where and how to look for the information, online of course. We are sensory beings, who respond and react to the people and the world around us on a daily basis building. At times the experience is painful, sorrowful, sad, cruel and unfathomable. At times it can be inspiring, be stimulating, give you strength, motivate you and fill you with complete joy. Your ‘remembering self’ is archiving all your memories, good and bad, and based on the feelings, knowledge and information you hear yourself say “I will never love again because you have been hurt or I will love again because of the way it makes me feel.” I talked of the love myths (stories we tell ourselves) in a previous blog. In The Possible Self programs I hear an array of mythical love stories based on memories:
I don’t love my parents because they never really got to know me, and why should I make the effort etc.;
I love my parents for the life and love they gave me etc.
I am never having a dog again because he died, and I could never love another etc.;
I loved my dog as s/he has given me so many happy memories. I have a new puppy now and I will love him all the more etc.
I will never love my friend again because s/he judged me etc.;
I love my friend because we had enough exchange of happy times to overcome this one event etc.
I will never fall in love again because: s/he deceived me, drank too much, didn’t listen to me, had a roaming eye, spent too much money, s/he left me for another etc.;
I have many happy memories of being in love, and I am not going to let one bad experience have me say never again etc.
I don’t love myself because: I deceive others, I have a bad relationship with money, I am a slob, I am controlling, I am over weight, I drink too much, I am not expressive, I am moody, I am a narcissist of a kind, I am always depressed, I talk too much, I talk to little, I am a sex addict, I am a drugs addict, I am an animal hater, I blame others for my miserable life, I am prejudiced, I am small minded, I procrastinate, I live in the past, I hate my sister, I hate my work etc.
I know life is not always a bed of roses. In my life time the sun has always risen so there is always light. I have decided to take it one day at a time changing my attitudes, habits and behaviours that no longer serve me, and I embrace what and who inspires, motivates and gives me the strength to love myself and others. I choose to let the light in. I choose to be kinder and more lovable towards myself than I ever have been etc.
In listening to all the variations on love during the TPS programs the one love that can be constant, whether you’re a lover, parent, husband, wife, daughter, son, nutritionist, PR consultant, artist, grandmother, grandfather, niece, nephew, aunt, uncle, gardener, doctor, electrician, cleaner, engineer, teacher, director, producer, astronaut, geologist, surgeon, lawyer, housekeeper, financial advisor, cosmologist etc. is ‘self-love.’ I suggest you visit the place in yourself where you can assess how you have been living ‘in’ your life to-date; how you made decisions about friendships and relationships, how you chose them, how they came into your life, how you relate to them, how you project your own ‘stuff’ onto them, how you behaved in thought word or deed and how they make you feel.
Come to know who you are and how you want to be. You will always be you, but a more aware, loving, empathic and compassionate you; when you choose the practice of ‘self-love’. There is no magic, no ten easy lessons, no one book or guru or method or person who can do it for you. You can do the research and work with someone or some method that suits your personality and orientation. You put in the concentrated time and you will discover a you that is so worth loving and you will enjoy your life’s journey a whole lot more.
There is always possibility to love and be loved if you love yourself and discover others who do too. Your self-esteem and self-worth maintains a new equilibrium when you practice self-love despite and because of all that goes on around you.
Day 17. No coffee. The monkey mind is still asking for a cup but its not happening! I abstained another day.
Don’t forget to wear your smile and practice kindness towards yourself and others.
“He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.” Benjamin Franklin
“Resolve to be thyself: and know, that he who finds himself, loses his misery.” Arnold, Matthew
“To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.” Unknown