That was the colour of the sky this morning around seven am. No photoshop or pushing of colours, the sun did it all herself…..quiet an amazing artist! Later the vista turned to white and a shimmering silver over the bay. it’s a magical stage we have had for to-days performance. What costume did you choose and what role did you play in today’s story?
Day 32 and coffee is no longer a reality in my daily routine. To-morrow I buy my Japanese tea ceremony crockery etc. A gift to myself to encourage further changes in my daily routine.
To-day, I had many conversations about male and female friendships with both sexes. The men over fifty tell me that they don’t have a best-friend. They have ‘friends’ that they share different interests with; sports, fishing, going for a drink, watching a match, sailing, shooting, going to test drive cars, discussing politics etc. They said they don’t have the same intensity in their friendships as women do. They don’t discuss the intimate details of their lives with each other and that they keep a lot of what goes on in their lives, and mind etc. to themselves. The single men have platonic women friendships where the caring and concern for each others welfare is mutual. The married men seem to have less platonic female friends of their own. They socialize with their wives female friends in a group situation. They say their wives/partners would not approve of they spending time with other women friends unless their wives/partners are with them.
My nephews and other male acquaintances, who are all under thirty do have many close men and women friendships and do discuss private details of their life with many of them, whilst also being in a love relationships with one specific woman/man. Some are students and others are working. This age group seem to be more open and in touch with their own feelings and can easily express them with their peers. The quality of the friendships seem to be more supportive as a result of the openness they develop with themselves and their friends. Does this pattern change when they get married? Is this generation of men more comfortable in their own skins to share intimacies in a platonic way with both men and women?
Women I talked to over fifty have a few very close women friends who know what is happening in their lives on every level. They nurture these friendships by talking a lot, spending a lot of time together, and are actively supporting each other to be the women they are and want to be. They behave in the same way in a committed relationship or not. Some have male friends who support, care and have concern for each other in a platonic way, when they are married or with a committed partner the friendships seem to be mostly female. The younger women under thirty have more and varied friendships with men and women and they behave with each other in the same way as the older women.
In conclusion, generally, it seems from those I talked to to-day and from my lives experience that if you are in a loving monogamous committed relationship, you fulfill intimacies in thought word and deed that you don’t have to share with your friends. The friendships are based on doing things together and generally in a very social way between people. Friendships are outside the relationships unless the relationship is no longer ‘alive’ or one person out grows the other. The relationship ends and the friendships sometimes become more important. Our freinds hold the space for us to laugh and cry as we enter and leave relationships. As we go through life from say the age of three to a hundred, we steer our ‘friend-ship’ on a voyage where some ‘friendships’ are on board for life and we can always pick up form where we left off at any time, some go from friends to acquaintances, some we are developing, some we haven’t met. People need people. We are all social beings. Friendships are what make life interesting and whole.
Who are the friends that you think of in this moment that make you smile? The friends you have journeyed with through the ups and downs of your lives; where your humanity, patience and love have been tested. You will always endeavour to understand them without judgement or prejudice because you care for them and you are concerned for their welfare and well-being. Maybe this weekend you could consider what you could send them that would make them smile even more e.g. a card by snail mail in your own hand writing. Think about what you would like to receive from them that would make your friendship glow? Don’t wait ‘til it’s too late!
Are you wearing your smile?
“One should not let the grass grow on freindship’s road” -French Proverb
©Copyright The Possible Self 2012