Spring is definitely in the air on the French Riviera. The birds are louder and busier than last week, buds are appearing on trees and flowers are pushing through the winter soil. All greeted by a very sunny day, blue sky and lots of human activity all around us.
I bought more coffee this morning for my breakfast guests. When they had gone I washed the coffee pot without a glimmer of a desire to have a cup. Coffee has lost its hold on me. I feel somewhat liberated, we can get ‘unstuck’ if we take it day by day and have the self-love, courage, tenacity, willpower and desire to cross over to where we want to be…. it’s my reality to-day!
How did you fare in your observation of your depths of anger? Do you know your pattern of anger? What triggers it? How do you perform in anger? How does it make you feel? What do you think about it?
Imagine you could look at your memory archive as a memory-scape. Each memory has a; colour, texture, dimension, an energy, a date stamp, a brief description, information and a feeling that has been archived there since the beginning of your life to ‘now’. Also archived there are; the dreams you have had, the ones you remembered and the ones you don’t remember, the unconscious memories that have been archived that you don’t know about; you walk down the street and are conscious of where you are going and what you are thinking about, at the same time your sensory being is also observing and feeling from the environment you are walking in, storing unconscious memories. We are sensory libraries always turned on, sometimes more active than others.
Your memory-scape goes through many mood patters created by; the food and drink you eat, the exercise you take or don’t take, the people you are with, the thinking you are doing, the music you are listening to, the environment you are in etc. Your sensory being is always switched on and your memory-scape is always ready. Lets explore love-memories that keep on being triggered in your daily life by; a smile shared with a stranger; universal love, an embrace and kiss shared with a loved one; intimate love; a room you clean out for your work; self-love, a story you read to your child; parental love; a stand for your natural environment; nature love, a meal you cook for friends; friends love, a door you open for a stranger; human love etc. The love memory gets nourished over and over everyday in small and big ways if you observe your experiences. That feeling, knowledge and know-how about different natures of love that we give and receive is with us forever if we remain healthy and belong. If you look up the index on love in your memory-scape you will see it’s there many times over so when you feel it in the ‘now’ that part of your memory-scape glows brighter and brighter. This is not true for all people. Some feel more love in their life than others. Why is that?
To compare with love lets explore anger in our memory-scape and the start of our anger index. Some people belief that we are born with an imprint from our direct ancestors and ones we know nothing about, so there are already some ancestral memories laid down in our brand new physical archive when we are born. Birth in and off itself is a very traumatic way to come into this world. It’s no bed of roses giving birth, I have the experience. And I can imagine it was no bed of roses to be birthed either. However, when it’s over there is no feeling to match it in this world; pure euphoria (no drugs involved except natural hormones flooding your being) that was my experience three times over. Then comes the times as a baby where the adults don’t understand what is wrong with you, too hot, too cold, hungry, not hungry, want someone to change your diaper ‘now’, want to sleep, want to stay awake, want a cuddle, want to be left alone etc. You cry in different ways to express what you need and we your carers try to understand. Parents and babies get agitated, frustrated and angry. It’s fact and no one talks about it. There are magical, loving, entertaining, mysterious and insightful times too. Then comes the time that you learn to walk. Here is a wonderful story by an Irish-speaking writer Liam O Flatharta about how we might come to know about walking;
A mother was knitting by a fire, and her baby was crawling about the floor. The atmosphere was pleasant, loving and warm. The baby noticed that there was a ray of golden sunlight streaming through the window and onto the living room wall on the opposite side. She crawled to the light, and getting up on her wobbly legs reached out with both hands to catch the light. Because she was not steady on her feet she fell to the floor and cried. The mother dropped her knitting and ran to her baby and scooped her up in her arms, the baby cried louder and louder. The mother thought the baby was hurt, but could see no damage. Eventually, she had no option but to let the baby onto the floor again. She stopped crying. She headed straight for the sunray again. This time she got up on her legs, kept one hand on the wall and reached into the sun ray to catch the light with the other. This time the child smiled, cooed and laughed as babies do. The mother saw none of this secret moment in the baby’s life. The writer observed that the baby was angry because the mother interfered in an exploration of her environment. The mother did what mothers do; attend to their child when they cry. The baby learnt about balance, the magic of her environment, the knowledge that mum is there if anything goes wrong, and that we are explorers building memory-scapes by the mere fact of being alive and observing. Babies do get angry when they are disturbed from exploration etc. and the laying down of a variety of angry memories begins in their memory-scape. She knows if she keeps crying mum will relent and let her back to her world.
There are seven billion people on this planet who have all got experiences of babyhood, all with varying memory-scapes of anger and as they grow/grew, that energy emanates into the collective energy field we all live in. Some anger needs to be expressed to stop torture, violence, hunger, thirst, mismanagement and theft of our human resources, abuse of our natural environment and all that lives on it etc. Now imagine that all the seven billion of us are mini planets bouncing of each other all day every day, in our homes, locally, nationally, internationally with these memory-scapes being cultivated by our environment and our experiences in it. What seeds to we plant and nourish in our memory-scape and in others?
Tomorrow I will continue the baby story on anger from my experience of life and what I have read and discussed about it with friends and colleagues. In the mean time consider your first memories of anger.
Are you wearing your smile today?
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. Unknown
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething. Mark Twain
Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. Bill Cosby
My actions are my only true belongings – Thich Nhat Hanh