Anger and Memories


Yesterdays and to-days photos are almost alike, except for the light.  Both were taken at the same time of day.  Two hours later and to-days sea is much more choppy than yesterdays.  A wind is bowing.  The sky is azure blue.  There is a helicopter hovering overhead as they take materials to the workers working on the mountain behind my amazing perch to stabilize it for another year.

It brings me to thinking that our own mind-scape is much the same as the scape in our natural environment.  The same but different everyday!   Do we really have the control we think we have over our thoughts, feelings and sense of self?  There are some experiences that cause us anger, wonderment, frustration, joy, peace, excitement, sadness etc.  They can create currents in our mind-scape we hadn’t expected.  We are continually re-programming our feelings and thoughts consciously and unconsciously all day long; how you feel at the beginning of the day can be very different to how you feel at the end of the day about yourself and others.

Your ‘experiencing-self’ which is continuously active in the ‘now’ is constantly informed by the ‘remembering-self’ which is always at the ready, and the ‘possible-self’ is offering us new ideas, ways we might look at situations, adjustments we might make in imaginative and creative ways, if we choose to listen.  All three are switched on in every moment.  What you think today about a situation from yesterday can be very different.  Our constant experiencing and thinking affect us differently for all kinds of reasons.  At night our dream world plays with our conscious and unconscious memories.  They are edited together in weird, frightening, happy, humorous, playful, insightful and magical ways.  We remember some of our dreams and others we don’t.  They too are stored in our memory archive and indexed accordingly; an accumulation of memories of our every moment.  Memories we recall are not the same as they were when we first experienced them. They belong in the past and when we recall them in the present we experience them with a different set of feelings and emotions.

A suggestion for you if you are not already doing so, is to keep a day and dream journal so that you can compare your days to your nights and see how they influence each other.  Observe how a film, music, a book, a documentary, an art exhibition, an opera, a football match, a garden, a smile, an argument effects your mind-scape and your nervous system.  Observe how your body reacts to your experiences; bad news and you hold on to your tummy (where all your nerve endings meet), good news, you smile and get goose pimples.  Both situations activate hormones in our body that match the sensation we feel from the news.  We are sensory beings with memories in our ’now’

In conclusion to my rambling, suffice to say everything affects us, how we react to our experiences and deal with them is what makes us who we are.

Are you conscious of how you function, operate, behave towards your experiences?

Are you aware how your actions affect others?

How would it be for another person to visit your mind-scape;  would there be chaos, or would they find their way around easily, would there be a lot of confusion or relaxation, would there be secret chests that you would not want them to open, would there be years of administration to catch up on, would they walk through spaces of love, fear, joy, anger, sadness, wonderment, curiosity etc.

Would it be an exciting place?

Would it be consumed in academic or intuitive knowing?

Would it demonstrate how you come to know?

Would it be an intimate place?

Would they find that what is on the inside is very different to what they experience of you on the outside?

Have you ever opened your kimono to yourself and another?

I watched the Blade Runner by Ridley Scott, with Harrison Ford last night for the fifth time, and I did dream about it.  What I remember was that I was running through the street to get away from scientists who wanted to program my mind.  I was hiding out somewhere outside the ‘off world’ where my grandmother was living (she is dead thirty nine years).  I was who I am now when I was on the run.  When I met my grandmother I was 12 years old and she was brushing my hair to get me ready for piano lessons. There was more to the dream, that is all I remember.  How bizarre!  When are we who we think we are?

Babies when they are held in your arms pick up on our feelings.  Consider a baby who cries all night and nothing you do will console them.  You go through empathy, love, compassion, and anger also with yourself because what you are doing is not working; and the baby is not responding to your caring.  We as mothers and fathers are still works in progress learning to be parents on the job.  There is no training for how you stay patient, calm, loving etc for the duration of the night of crying etc.  Neuro psychologists say that babies minds are like sponges that sense our every mood and feeling.  They know which mood/feeling/response they want, but they don’t always get it.

Imagine getting the sense of anger as a baby and the effect that that has on their wee minds.  These are memories they develop through experience.  Children grow up wired to behave to please us to avoid our anger etc.  People matter and what we say and do affects them.  If the child continues to behave like this and is afraid of upsetting their parents, they also use this learnt pattern of behaviour in friendships and relationships for life.   Consider how it affects the individual. All the positive thinking you do and all the magic pills you pop don’t really change the fundamental learnt behaviour.  I am reading a book by Marsha Lucas PhD, ‘Rewire Your Brain for Love.’  This is an introduction to our understanding to neuroplasticity and how to use its findings in rewiring your pathways of behaviours etc.  Another book worth reading is about how we can parent our children with a better understanding in how the brain works.  The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel, MD You can get both from Amazon.

To-morrow I will not ramble so much and concentrate on childhood to adulthood and how I perceive anger from my perch.   At least that is what I intend to do !

©Copyright The Possible Self 2012

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