Hey Sun, what is going on out there, there are clouds covering you up and winds racing across your face, white horses are galloping on waves and yet you peer through when you get a chance. You are always there even on a cloudy day.
I had a grand notion I would be sitting in the sun in the port where I live having a green tea and croissant which I do every Friday when I am here. However, I spent my time chasing napkins, menus and other debris that was flying past, it was all very refreshing, my mind was chasing too with loads of ideas for the last blog on vulnerability and other stuff I am working on.
Vulnerabilities bring negativity into your life: sometimes you feel so exposed you almost fall apart. We are not Humpty Dumpty’s who fall of the wall and never go back together again. We fall of our wall and go back together again in better ways if we work through it with awareness and understanding.
Imagine a story where you speak up at work when something is going wrong. Your colleagues select you to go to management and agreed to back you up. Well management challenges you and you have a fight on your hands. Your colleagues see what happens and they let you hang out to dry. You are as vulnerable as you can be in that situation.
What can happen?
1. You leave/resign etc.
2. You back down and get on with your job and the bad atmosphere.
3. You take your grievances to the company board of directors; your union or wherever you get yourself heard and supported and you stay working. You finally get the results you wanted many weeks later. Conditions for everyone improves. Your colleagues suck-up to you. You treat them with contempt or you acknowledge their cowardice and you hold no grudge.
Imagine a story where you are in a volatile relationship. Your partner has a raging temper and gets verbally, emotionally or physical abusive. You have choices:
- You leave and never come back.
- You call the police and have him/her arrested.
- You call a friend to come over and give you the support you need.
- You take the abuse and take on the roll of the victim and continue to live this way.
- You ask him/her to leave and you change the locks.
- You ask him/her to leave for 24 hours and to come back when s/he is calm to talk it through.
- You ask him/her to leave and not come back until s/he sees a therapist for their anger etc.
- Sometimes you can help another but when there is anger you need a trained therapist. You can agree to support your partner through the process and see where it takes you.
Imagine a third story:
You fall madly in love and become extremely vulnerable to ‘love’. It takes you on a roller coaster of chemical releases in your body and mind that keeps you on a high you love to be on. You both are in the same place and open up to each other in ways you have never done before. You feel safe, secure and supported in the ‘love’ you share. And then an event happens that crushes the love. What happens?
- You are in shock. Not only have you fallen of your horse but also you can’t seem to find him anywhere.
- You get angry and express it in all kinds of ways, writing streams of painful essays to yourself and emails to him, leaving telephone messages, telling your friends all about it over and over.
- You try to put the fire out and stop what is causing it in the first place. The heart ache won’t stop
- You cry and cry and/or put on your mask to hide your pain.
- You get perspective by talking it through with friends or a therapist. You begin to see the situation and events that lead up to it and you come to terms with your own feelings about it and yourself many, many weeks later and sometimes it takes years for some people to get over the betrayal.
- Finally you may ask to meet him or her to understand why. You listen s/he talks, you talk and s/he listens. Hopefully it gives you closure or room to negotiate the terms of the ‘relationship’.
- Or you never get closure because you do nothing about it and carry it around with you only to repeat it in later life.
All three stories are about vulnerability and where it takes you; “I am vulnerable, it’s scary as hell but I either learn to cross over this bridge or stay on it for the rest of my life.” Choose to work through it with awareness and use all your faculties to understand what is happening to you and you will cross over to a new place in yourself, a lighter and brighter place in yourself. If you choose to be lost to your vulnerabilities and clam up, you will build walls around you that will some day fall in on you?
We are not condemned to suffer. We are on a live stage all day every day. We can choose to be a victim, a walk over, someone to be used and or abused in any way by anyone and especially yourself. Or you can choose to be the hero/heroine of your own story. How would it feel to be that character on lives stage? You have developed qualities that will take you through any storm.
Hero’s and heroines are courageous, empathic, compassionate, kind, loving, and fearless, charismatic, and self-loving people. Practice being that character in your own life and see what happens to you.
Never, ever give up on yourself. There is more to you than you might see or feel right now if you are in a painful place. Remember you matter to you and those around you who love and care about you. Life is an ongoing process, to be stagnant is not good, and to be freely moving is a whole lot better.
“Who is there?’
“The Possible Self.”
“Go away I am miserable”.
“I will always be here for you!”
Make it a wonderful weekend and keep on wearing your smile.
©Copyright The Possible Self 2012