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Cosmos 10 +

What’s happening in your personal-universe?

 

The Possible Self, TPS, 2015 Dublin City Center  ‘Me Workshop’ begins in February 

The ‘Me Workshop’ is:

– A one-day group workshop February 14th, 8.30am -6pm for a maximum of ten people from any background or stage of life each working on their own visual-map of their life-story.

– A one-day group workshop February 21st, 8.30am -6pm for a maximum of ten business owners/directors, each working on their own visual-map of their company-story.

-Private one to three day workshops for individuals or company owners/directors by appointment.

Neither therapy nor counselling. The Possible Self ‘Me Workshop’ is an innovative and practical way/process for individuals to explore their private-life or their company-story. They explore and discover the events, people, experiences, behaviours, attitudes, habits and patterns that have shaped, nourished and guided them or their company to date, good and bad, and sets out the possibilities for the future.

The one-day workshop is an introductory level of the process. Each person will produce their own personal life-size visual-map of their personal or company -story. They will get a sense of where they are in their life and how they feel about it.  They imagine and articulate where they want to concentrate their attention and resources now and the possibilities for their future.

Company or business owners can attend both days getting to know where they are in their personal-story on day one and doing the same for their company-story on day two.  The process is the same for both. Participants evaluate if their private and business/company lives are in harmony with each other or not and what they could do about it.

”Reacting to life as you experience it without a compass or plan works for some in their personnel and/or work life. We are the same person no matter where we spend our days and nights. Our behaviors, attitudes, habits and patterns affect ourselves, those around us and the work we do, no matter who we are or where we live, ” explains Áinne Burke the founder of ‘The Possible Self’.

”Most of us have arrived at a place in our lives where the rehearsal is over and we don’t want to repeat behaviours, attitudes, thoughts and habits that no longer serve the person we know we can or could be and the life we can and would like to experience. Taking time to explore, discover, and reflect on who you are being and the possibilities for development, celebration and change is a gift to yourself and to those around you. The Possible Self workshops facilitate and support that process.”

For further information and to reserve your place email info@thepossibleself.com

We look forward to meeting you.

www.thepossibleself.com

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http://www.thepossibleself.com

 

Personal New Year’s resolutions come and go every year.  We have great intentions of making meaningful changes to our lives: get fit, eat healthy food, lose weight, be more open about our lives and who we are,  pay more attention to our loved ones, develop better communication skills, develop self-love, be kinder to everyone around us, dive in the Maldives, give gratitude every day for all that is in our life, learn to cook, keep our house tidy, help our children with their homework, climb Kilimanjaro, get more sleep, enjoy work, be more joyful etc. etc. etc.

Every year there are promises we make to ourselves and those around us; scripts and notes are written.  We smile from ear to ear with the great hope and enthusiasm about how wonderful our life is going to be when the changes are implemented.

Some of us succeed in achieving and implementing the changes we plan for in January of every year. Some of us give up on ourselves by mid-February.  We are back living our habitual and mediocre lives; with all its good/bad behaviours, patterns and habits.  Why is it that some of us succeed and others don’t?  Which person are you?

All change requires a conscious decision, a practical plan, a schedule and resources to make it happen; it requires tenacity, inspiration, commitment, responsibility, discipline, self-love, support and most of all dedication on a daily basis.

When you succeed in achieving one of your January resolutions and bask in the glory of its benefits year on year, it gives you the impetus and stimulation to continue in this way for the rest of your life.  You don’t wait for January; change, renewal, awakening, creativity and awareness become an integral part of your daily life.

Life is not always ‘easy’.  Change is not always ‘easy’.  In the beginning it’s hard work to get up each day and be dedicated to being a better person for you and those around you;  to stick to a healthy eating and drinking plan, to get at least 30 minutes of exercise in every day, to stick to a financial budget that will get you to a place of less anxiety and more control over the quality of your  life, to calm your mind for 10 minutes at various times during the day, to see the good in all those around you including yourself every day, to not shout at your children, partner, colleague or staff,  to not roll down your car window and scream at the ‘stupid person’ who crossed into your lane without indicating, to manage the ‘monkey mind chatter’ that does nothing to add to the quality of your life,  to be aware of your moods and how they affect those around you, to make time for you and those you love at various times during the week, to walk the dog, to visit your family and friends, to make time to read, to watch a movie or a game on your own, with family or friends, to study, to walk  etc. etc. etc.

We are fragile, complex and unfathomable humans at times.  Understanding how I have become the person I am helps me to make the changes I want to make and know I can make.  I can then, walk a journey I have planned and chosen, rather than reacting to life on a daily basis. 

In this time of immense change everyone in all walks of life want to find their way forward with enthusiasm and inspiration that gives purpose and meaning to their lives:  in the work place, in the home, in the community, in the country and the world as we know it.  All change starts with the individual and together we can begin to find some security in our minds bodies and spirits in 2013 .

That process of reacting to life as you experience it without a compass or plan works for a few.  Most of us have arrived at a place in our lives where the rehearsal is over and we don’t want to repeat behaviours, actions, dreams, thoughts and habits than no longer serve the life we want to live.

The Possible Self programs and workshops are available to you to make a complete audit of your life through the creation of your own ‘Personal Tree of Life’ from birth to now.  You get to see the events, people and experiences that have shaped, nourished and guided your life to-date, good and bad.  You get to explore the landscape of your mind, body and spirit from the past and in the present.  Once you see your life charted in front of you, you realize that a holistic plan is the only way forward.  You cannot separate physical health from emotional well-being and visa versa.  You cannot learn to take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself.  Awareness and acceptance of what is happening in your life is the first step to making plans for change.

Once you have a practical plan for all areas of your life with realistic schedules,  identified resources and supports for the next few years, you become more motivated and inspired to succeed.  Day by day, week by week, month by month and year by year takes you to where and how you want to be in your life.  Change and personal growth is a continuous process;  it’s life long learning, experiencing and enjoying life in the ‘now’.  It’s your life.  You are the only one who can come to understand it and fix it, in the way that you want it to live it.  The Possible Self programs facilitates and celebrates that process with you.

The process for individuals is much the same as for business’s.  Management and workers create their ‘Companies Tree of Life’ based on its past, where they are now and where they want to take it.

The Possible Self Programs and Workshops

The next ‘one day introductory’ TPS workshops are being scheduled uniquely for individuals:

Monaco:  February 1st 2013

Monaco:  February 8th 2013

Maximum: 12 participants

Companies are booking their in-house week-long TPS workshops from January 14th 2013.

One to one weekly workshops are being scheduled from January 8th 2013 in your home or agreed venues internationally.

For further information and bookings contact info@thepossibleself.com

 

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www.thepossibleself.com

The Possible Self facilitates YOU to take YOU from where YOU are to where YOU want to be in your life.

ME PROGRAM
1 Day Special Offer Introductory Workshop

For whatever reasons it happens, and there are many, we do get stuck, don’t know what to do next.  We get: frustrated, lost, distracted, angry, overwhelmed, sad, baffled, entangled and confused.  We run out of steam, we go off course, it all gets too hard, we get into debt, we leave relationships, we overeat, we acquire money but not purpose.  We all get ‘stuck’ at some stage of our life; personally, professionally or when we retire.  If we give up on our ‘possible self’ we are like the dead woman/man walking.  It is never too late to get excited about your life.  It’s your life and your story.  Where are you in your life and what changes would you like to make?  Make your own bliss!

Saturday November 3rd 2012
Closing date for bookings: October 26th 2012
Location: Grand Hotel du Cap Ferra
Duration: 8.30am–6.30pm
Maximum Participants: 12
For bookings and fee information:info@thepossibleself.com
Mobile: 0033 (0) 618037606
http://www.thepossibleself.com

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www.thepossibleself.com

‘If the earths’ sun is a star how come we don’t see it at night?’ asked Lootie of her big sister Heather as they brought warm milk to the cats in the barn on the other side of the farm.

“You be the sun and I will be the earth.  You are the nearest star to the earth.  You spin and I spin.  At night-time we are turned away from you so you shine on the people below our feet on the other side of the world and in the day time we are turned towards you so you are above our heads.  The earth rotates on its axis as it journeys around the sun giving us night and day.”

“ Yeah but…………..went on Lootie……..

Last weekend I was at supper in a friend’s house and the grandfather of the family who is eighty-two, a very gracious, charismatic and a kind man, asked the same question Lootie asked her sister Heather and there was silence at the table.  The conversation earlier on was about the new images on national geographic about the monster tornado on the sun that his niece showed us.

One of the guests piped up in astonishment,  “Didn’t you go to school Daniel?”

“I did but none of that interested me then, and it does now,” said Daniel.

One guests tried desperately to show off all he knew and got into an argument with another guest.  They controlled the dinner conversation without any sensitivity towards Daniel’s question nor did they leave ‘space’ for an input from the rest of the guests.  Daniel told us it took great courage to ask that question and now he was off to his bed none the wiser because there were too many know-it-alls at the table.  He needed to hear Lootie’s and Heather’s conversation………

Daniel was the most interesting person at the table in my estimation.  He had been telling stories of the local village and the people who had lived there; farmers, bakers, butchers, shopkeepers, families, writers and artists mostly.  He had a way of telling a story too that was intriguing.  Italian was his first language and he spoke four other languages which he used so everyone at the table could be included in the story as it unfolded.

According to an entry in Wikipedia courage includes, bravery, perseverance, honesty and zest.
Which of these human strengths do you have?
Are you a courageous person all the time, some of the time and why is that?
Do you have the courage to remove the masks you wear and let the world and you see what goes on behind the masks?
When do you remember being your most courageous?
Why are you courageous?
Why are you not courageous?
Do you stand up for what you believe in or do your let others do it for you?
Do you have the courage to own up to your faults and greatness?
Do you feel truly alive and have a zest for living?

Courage is all around us: on the streets, in homes and in minds.  Watch out for signs of it in your own life and in the world around you this week.

I had forgotten to say last week that I have had no coffee since the 1st of February and no alcohol in three weeks.  Our friend whom we are supporting in not partaking in alcohol is doing real well in the Hippocrates Institute.  (she had many health issues).  Are we being courageous in our resolve?  Yes we are with a huge amount of tenacity, love for each other and ourselves, friendship, humor and imagination.  Our courage is working for all of us.  How are you doing in your resolves?  Remember it’s a day by day thing!   Keep on smiling whatever you are doing.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.” Ambroise Redmoon.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Lao Tsu

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”  E.E. Cummings

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” Anais Nin

“If you care about something you have to protect it – If you’re lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.”  John Irving,

“Creativity takes courage. ” Henri Matisse

“Courage is found in unlikely places.” J.R.R. Tolkien

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage — to move in the opposite direction.” Albert Einstein

“It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.” Mark Twain

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” Andre Gide

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The morning stage is set on the Riviera and the sun is waiting to see us perform.  So maestro what shall we do today?

How about a self-audit in self-trust?

Before that lets see what Wikipedia has to say on trust:

• the willingness of one party (trustor) to be vulnerable to the actions of another party (trustee);

• reasonable expectation (confidence) of the trustor that the trustee will behave in a way beneficial to the trustor;

• risk of harm to the trustor if the trustee will not behave accordingly; and

the absence of trustor’s enforcement or control over actions performed by the trustee.

Scenarios:

You are in a relationship or friendship or partnership in a company etc. and say I entrust something that is private in my life or the company with you.  I am the trustor and you are the trustee.  You meet another person and before you know where you are you have broken the trust and the other person tells me what I entrusted with you.  It could be a recipe for the cake that sells best in our company, it could be a patent we are working on, it could be that I have cancer or that I thinking of retiring etc.  The bond is broken.  I made myself vulnerable by entrusting my story with you and you abused it.  You are not trustworthy.  How do I feel about that?  How do you feel about that?  Will there ever be trust between us again?

You tell me you love me and that you want to be with me, you have sworn blind that there is no other one of significance in your life.  It transpires through default that you are in a relationship with three other people who love you but they don’t know that you love me and not them or so you say.  The other people are vulnerable in telling you they love you.  You are vulnerable in telling me you love me.  Can you trust yourself, can the others trust you and can I trust you?  How does that make me feel?  How does that make you feel?  Can there ever be trust again between all the parties?

Before we point the finger let’s explore our own levels of trust and how many times have we left ourselves down:

I make a plan, promise etc to do the following:

-to practice piano, football, cello, language, cooking etc and I haven’t done it

-not drink coffee and drink green tea instead

-not eat wheat, dairy products and eat raw food instead

-not eat crappy food ever again and learn about being healthy

-to cook at least five days out of seven for me and mine

-to maximize my income

-to be at peace

-not to struggle

-to smile more

-to exercise at least three times a week

-to go to the doctor, therapist, dentist etc and I haven’t done it

-to be honest in all my communication and dealings with others

-to be honest with myself and monitor how I am doing

-to give up cigarettes and take up chewing seaweed!

-to give up alcohol for a year and take up fresh fruit and vegetable drinks

-to rink 8 glasses of water a day

-go see my parents at least once a month

-to settle my affairs with the taxman and tidy up my life

-to read to my children every night before they go to sleep, if I am not there I will record a story for them

-to take my partner, lover, wife, husband on a picnic come hail or shine once a month

-to learn to sail this year

-to learn to dive this year

-to learn Spanish this year

-to sell my house and travel

-to study more

-to stop cursing and swearing

-to get to grips with my past and attempt to move forward without it getting in my way

-to be free to have that relationship I want

-not to play games with people’s hearts and minds

-to actively look for a man or woman to build a relationship with that brings love, joy and trust to our lives

-to divorce and stop the charade I am living

-to appreciate my partner, lover, husband or wife by becoming pro-active in my expression of it

-to stop fooling myself

-to take charge of my life and not have others telling me how to live

-to write 1,000 words each day towards my novel, biography, etc.

-to paint at least once a week

-to fish every weekend in season with my friends and or family

-to make a list of all I promised my friends, partner, lover, wife, husband, child etc. I would do for them and follow through on each one with joy and love

-to be aware of what I say to people that is not true or honest

-to be aware of my own behaviors, attitudes and habits that trip me up and sabotage my good intentions.

-to be honorable in all that I say and do

-to read books and watch movies that are life-giving and support my good intentions towards others and myself

-to follow my plan so that I can feel good and motivated about my life

-to stop being a miserable and grumpy git

-to practice acts of kindness everyday

-to give gratitude for all that is good in my life

-to watch for the bad fibes I radiate to those around me

-to be consistent in my love of others

-to de-clutter my life of distractions etc.

The list goes on and on depending on what you want from your life, what is going on in your life and who you are being.

To achieve anything you have to trust that you can deliver for you – from the small tasks to the promises you make to yourself and others.  Are you going to let excuses stand in your way to being a better person for you and those around you.  Is it worth it for you and what do you think it will do for your self-esteem?

To-day make a list of all that you promised others and yourself (past and present) and tick off what you have achieved and what you will achieve.  Begin today on monitoring your own levels of self-trust.  What love affair or not are you having with yourself?

To finish do we want to just ‘wish’ we could be trustworthy –  surely we want to be trustworthy?

What does that entail for you?

“I wish I was the verb ‘to trust’ and never let you down” -Pearl Jam

© Copyright The Possible Self 2012

info@thepossibleself.com

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www.thepossibleself.com

Hey Sun, what is going on out there, there are clouds covering you up and winds racing across your face, white horses are galloping on waves and yet you peer through when you get a chance.  You are always there even on a cloudy day.

I had a grand notion I would be sitting in the sun in the port where I live having a green tea and croissant which I do every Friday when I am here.  However, I spent my time chasing napkins, menus and other debris that was flying past, it was all very refreshing, my mind was chasing too with loads of ideas for the last blog on vulnerability and other stuff I am working on.

Vulnerabilities bring negativity into your life: sometimes you feel so exposed you almost fall apart.  We are not Humpty Dumpty’s who fall of the wall and never go back together again.  We fall of our wall and go back together again in better ways if we work through it with awareness and understanding.

Imagine a story where you speak up at work when something is going wrong.  Your colleagues select you to go to management and agreed to back you up.  Well management challenges you and you have a fight on your hands.  Your colleagues see what happens and they let you hang out to dry.  You are as vulnerable as you can be in that situation.

What can happen?

1.  You leave/resign etc.

2. You back down and get on with your job and the bad atmosphere.

3. You take your grievances to the company board of directors; your union or wherever you get yourself heard and supported and you stay working.  You finally get the results you wanted many weeks later.  Conditions for everyone improves.  Your colleagues suck-up to you. You treat them with contempt or you acknowledge their cowardice and you hold no grudge.

Imagine a story where you are in a volatile relationship.  Your partner has a raging temper and gets verbally, emotionally or physical abusive.  You have choices:

  1.  You leave and never come back.
  2. You call the police and have him/her arrested.
  3. You call a friend to come over and give you the support you need.
  4. You take the abuse and take on the roll of the victim and continue to live this way.
  5. You ask him/her to leave and you change the locks.
  6. You ask him/her to leave for 24 hours and to come back when s/he is calm to talk it through.
  7. You ask him/her to leave and not come back until s/he sees a therapist for their anger etc.
  8. Sometimes you can help another but when there is anger you need a trained therapist.  You can agree to support your partner through the process and see where it takes you.

Imagine a third story:

You fall madly in love and become extremely vulnerable to ‘love’.  It takes you on a roller coaster of chemical releases in your body and mind that keeps you on a high you love to be on.  You both are in the same place and open up to each other in ways you have never done before.  You feel safe, secure and supported in the ‘love’ you share.  And then an event happens that crushes the love.  What happens?

  1.  You are in shock.  Not only have you fallen of your horse but also you can’t seem to find him anywhere.
  2. You get angry and express it in all kinds of ways, writing streams of painful essays to yourself and emails to him, leaving telephone messages, telling your friends all about it over and over.
  3. You try to put the fire out and stop what is causing it in the first place.  The heart ache won’t stop
  4. You cry and cry and/or put on your mask to hide your pain.
  5. You get perspective by talking it through with friends or a therapist.  You begin to see the situation and events that lead up to it and you come to terms with your own feelings about it and yourself many, many weeks later and sometimes it takes years for some people to get over the betrayal.
  6. Finally you may ask to meet him or her to understand why.  You listen s/he talks, you talk and s/he listens.  Hopefully it gives you closure or room to negotiate the terms of the ‘relationship’.
  7. Or you never get closure because you do nothing about it and carry it around with you only to repeat it in later life.

All three stories are about vulnerability and where it takes you;  “I am vulnerable, it’s scary as hell but I either learn to cross over this bridge or stay on it for the rest of my life.”  Choose to work through it with awareness and use all your faculties to understand what is happening to you and you will cross over to a new place in yourself, a lighter and brighter place in yourself.  If you choose to be lost to your vulnerabilities and clam up, you will build walls around you that will some day fall in on you?

We are not condemned to suffer.  We are on a live stage all day every day.  We can choose to be a victim, a walk over, someone to be used and or abused in any way by anyone and especially yourself.  Or you can choose to be the hero/heroine of your own story.  How would it feel to be that character on lives stage?   You have developed qualities that will take you through any storm.

Hero’s and heroines are courageous, empathic, compassionate, kind, loving, and fearless, charismatic, and self-loving people.  Practice being that character in your own life and see what happens to you.

Never, ever give up on yourself.   There is more to you than you might see or feel right now if you are in a painful place.  Remember you matter to you and those around you who love and care about you.  Life is an ongoing process, to be stagnant is not good, and to be freely moving is a whole lot better.

“Knock, knock”

“Who is there?’

“The Possible Self.”

“Go away I am miserable”.

“Knock, knock,”

“What?’

“I will always be here for you!”

“OK”

Make it a wonderful weekend and keep on wearing your smile.

©Copyright The Possible Self 2012

info@thepossibleself.com

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Another magnificent and windy day on the Riviera.

This tree took my eye this morning.  When it started to grow it had no idea which direction its branches would go except towards the sun.  And in the winter it has no choice but to lose its leaves and bare its bones in all its vulnerability to the human eye and the elements.  We can see it is a complex tree with branches turning in many directions; towards itself, around itself and away from itself.  This tree is growing at an angle and not straight up.  It is not a perfectly symmetrical tree either.

Imagine yourself as a tree and how it must feel to be that vulnerable.  Imagine exposing yourself to yourself on a yearly basis without caring a fig for what anyone might think of you.  In this state of being you reflect on how you are and who you are becoming with curiosity, empathy and compassion.  And you make attempts to grow in different directions.  You do so because you know spring and summer is coming and you will begin once again to dress yourself in flowers and leaves, extending your new growth as you dance in the midday sun.  You have trust in your vulnerability because it helps you to grow and you have done it year after year.  Each time you sense and reveal your vulnerability you grow stronger and stronger in who you are.  It becomes your way of life.

Consider the effort it takes to carry all your troubles and woes, your scary memories and experiences with you in a closet under lock and key in your minds vault, hidden from yourself and others.  What a dark terrain you might be living in!  Imagine a city of this kind of ‘you’s’.  A short fuse and they blow up!  Imagine governments negotiating with other governments, companies with companies, butchers with butchers, workers with workers, lovers with lovers, consultants with consultants, engineers with engineers, artists with artists, shoemakers with shoemakers, engineers with governments, artists with butchers, companies with workers etc.  And no one has learnt to share his or her vulnerabilities to know what it is to be human.  How can there be honest and meaningful conversations with minds that are not open with themselves whatever about with others.  What a melting pot that is!

When you say ‘I love you’ do you know which ‘I’ is saying these magical words; the vulnerable ‘I’ or the ‘I’ that wears many masks.  Consider the masks you might be wearing when YOU say;

‘I love you’

‘I care about you’

‘I want the best for you’

‘I will always be there for you’

We use these statements so often and so freely and walk away.

I wonder if you were to have your kimono open and we could look inside whilst you say these words what would we see?  What would ‘you’ see?

“What was more, they had taken the first step towrd genuine friendship. They had exchanged vulnerabilities.”  Arthur C Clarke, 2010: Odyssey Two

©Copyright The Possible Self 2012

info@thepossibleself.com

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