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FEAR

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We are all going through transitions, movements and changes in our lives, you, me and the other 7billion plus humans on this planet.  Our lives will always be thus so, as we evolved from change and its in our nature to live through it, surviving life is not enough, thriving is what most people want to experience during this adventure we are on……how did it all start and how can we learn from nature?

Where did the Big Bang come from?

‘Something’ was happening before the ‘Big Bang’ as we know it.  Let’s imagine metaphorically that the ‘something’ was similar to a woman’s experience and a man’s understanding of a ‘pregnancy’ a gestation period.

Lets call it a pre-cosmic pregnancy.

Lets continue to imagine, that this gargantuan pre-cosmic pregnancy was in process in a place called ‘nowhere’ and time as we know it didn’t exist.  How the pre-cosmic pregnancy came about is another blog for another day and it will probably take us to the same place of ‘nowhere and ‘something’ again and again! So lets entertain ourselves here.

We do know or we surmise that the still expanding (some scientists say yes it is and others no it’s not) universe as we have come to understand it was birthed from the ‘something’ in ‘nowhere’  made up of ‘stuff’ that scattering and crashed its way into ‘space’ (as we have come to know it) at a speed and a heat that we cannot imagine, or yet measure and it is still shifting, moving, expanding (maybe), transiting and changing.  It’s constant motion.

Planet Earth that we live on with its thundering iron core spinning in a  sea of liquid iron, the sky above our heads, the moon that pulls on the earth, the trees in the ground, you and I and the mouse in the field all came from that ‘something’ from ‘nowhere’ over billions of years of varying epochs and evolutions of life forms.

Remember Albert Einstein described everything, ‘the stuff’ that came from  that pre-cosmic pregnancy as MATTER.  (And he found that Matter is capable of being converted to energy by the famous formula E = mc2).  Since then scientists have broken down Matter into the tiniest of parts called ‘particles’ and so far we have gotten to what they call ‘quarks’.  (Scientists are endeavouring to find out what happened before the Big Bang in CERN in a giant laboratory between France and Switzerland.

Once we understand and accept that everything around us is Matter and is in constant motion; the planet we live on, all the life forms on it including ourselves are birthing, aging and dying in patterns just like the changing of the seasons and yet no form of life is intrinsically the same.  We are all related to that first ‘source of life’ that birthed us from ‘nowhere’ where ‘something’ extraordinary happened.  It’s as far back as we can go to understand  ‘Who am I and where did I come from’ on our cosmic ‘tree of life’.

Varying cultures around this planet have been inspired by this sense of ‘where we came from’ and have over 200,000 years created rituals, mythologies, religions and belief systems to give meaning to their lives between their first and last breath and beyond for some of them.  It’s the realm of the spirit world.  “We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey,” according to Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.  What is your sense of this wondrous, curious, painful, mysterious, joyous adventure called your life?

We are connected to that first natural source of what I now personally understand as a powerful supporting energy, which is immensely greater than all of us and all that is in the universe.  You and I are connected to the butterfly that flies past our noses; to the soft snow flake that falls on our heads; to the sea storms that rages on a winter’s night; to the moon’s pull on the seas that create its ebb and flow; to the love we display to your wo/man, child, parent, brother, sister, friend, colleague, dog, cat or cow; to the smile on the postman’s face.  We are all connected.  We are all matter.  Matter matters!  Matter is made of atoms and molecules and they are everywhere; inside us, around us, below us and above us in a natural energetic perpetual dance. Everything and everybody is connected and we take it all for granted.

Whatever your sense is of ‘who I am, where I come from and where I may go’; one thing we can all agree on is that we are always in constant movement, transitioning and changing consciously and unconsciously everyday physically, mentally and spiritually throughout our lives.   Accepting and managing that perpetual motion, not controlling it, is part of our learning curve on this life journey.  We can revisit the memories of our experiences to try to understand ourselves in the ‘now’ of our lives and go forward with our Possible Self each day, listening to it or not, in positive and negative ways and reacting to life with conscious awareness or not.  It’s a choice we make.

We trust that the sun will rise every morning and not ring in to say its sick to-day, we trust that trees will grow leaves in the springtime and not ‘throw a mood’ and sleep for twelve months instead, we trust that the baby in its mothers womb will nine times out of ten naturally grow its nose, fingers and toes.  We expect all of it to happen in sync like a perfectly tuned orchestra everyday. It’s all managed effortlessly and beautifully and all we have to do is turn up each morning to greet and live our possible self for that day as best we can.

We say we trust in nature’s way.  Yet, we misuse and abuse natures resources, its health and each others too.  We worry, we get angry, frustrated, anxious, sad etc in and with our lives.  We distrust ourselves and each other.  We use and abuse each others goodwill, love, kindness and good nature.  We get out of sync so easily with ourselves.  We forget to take a deep breath and try again to be our possible self.  You don’t see the sun having a war with the moon and wanting to take its place day after day.  Nature has its rhythm.  We humans have a lot to learn in living in sync with nature and our own natural rhythm.  When we are in sync we radiate an energy that is infectious, joyous and self-supporting; everything falls into place.  When have you last experienced that sensation, and do you want to experience it everyday?

Taking the time to reflect and understand your own nature, and the experiences that have shaped you into the person that you are, helps you to reset the rhythm of your life.  Who is the authentic you that you want to turn up as each day, that makes you smile no matter what is happening in your life?  Once your intention is on what you want to do, with an attitude of ‘I can do it’ and you get congruent with who you claim to be; your possible self is alive and well.  We live each day between our first and last breath, always in possibility.  Where are you on that time-line in your life and is there a desire to get in sync with who you are?

Email info@thepossibleself.com for information on scheduled group ‘Me Programme’ workshops in Dublin, Monaco and France.  You can also book private group or individual workshops internationally.

www.thepossibleself.com

‘Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else’.  Judy Garland

‘Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do.  Where there is love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong.’  Ella Fitzgerald

‘Only a life lived for others is a life worth while’ Albert Einstein

‘Our deepest wishes are whispers of our authentic selves.  We must learn to respect them. We must learn to listen.’  Sarah Ban Breathnach

‘Sell your cleverness and be bewildered.’  Rumi

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Hey Sun, what is going on out there, there are clouds covering you up and winds racing across your face, white horses are galloping on waves and yet you peer through when you get a chance.  You are always there even on a cloudy day.

I had a grand notion I would be sitting in the sun in the port where I live having a green tea and croissant which I do every Friday when I am here.  However, I spent my time chasing napkins, menus and other debris that was flying past, it was all very refreshing, my mind was chasing too with loads of ideas for the last blog on vulnerability and other stuff I am working on.

Vulnerabilities bring negativity into your life: sometimes you feel so exposed you almost fall apart.  We are not Humpty Dumpty’s who fall of the wall and never go back together again.  We fall of our wall and go back together again in better ways if we work through it with awareness and understanding.

Imagine a story where you speak up at work when something is going wrong.  Your colleagues select you to go to management and agreed to back you up.  Well management challenges you and you have a fight on your hands.  Your colleagues see what happens and they let you hang out to dry.  You are as vulnerable as you can be in that situation.

What can happen?

1.  You leave/resign etc.

2. You back down and get on with your job and the bad atmosphere.

3. You take your grievances to the company board of directors; your union or wherever you get yourself heard and supported and you stay working.  You finally get the results you wanted many weeks later.  Conditions for everyone improves.  Your colleagues suck-up to you. You treat them with contempt or you acknowledge their cowardice and you hold no grudge.

Imagine a story where you are in a volatile relationship.  Your partner has a raging temper and gets verbally, emotionally or physical abusive.  You have choices:

  1.  You leave and never come back.
  2. You call the police and have him/her arrested.
  3. You call a friend to come over and give you the support you need.
  4. You take the abuse and take on the roll of the victim and continue to live this way.
  5. You ask him/her to leave and you change the locks.
  6. You ask him/her to leave for 24 hours and to come back when s/he is calm to talk it through.
  7. You ask him/her to leave and not come back until s/he sees a therapist for their anger etc.
  8. Sometimes you can help another but when there is anger you need a trained therapist.  You can agree to support your partner through the process and see where it takes you.

Imagine a third story:

You fall madly in love and become extremely vulnerable to ‘love’.  It takes you on a roller coaster of chemical releases in your body and mind that keeps you on a high you love to be on.  You both are in the same place and open up to each other in ways you have never done before.  You feel safe, secure and supported in the ‘love’ you share.  And then an event happens that crushes the love.  What happens?

  1.  You are in shock.  Not only have you fallen of your horse but also you can’t seem to find him anywhere.
  2. You get angry and express it in all kinds of ways, writing streams of painful essays to yourself and emails to him, leaving telephone messages, telling your friends all about it over and over.
  3. You try to put the fire out and stop what is causing it in the first place.  The heart ache won’t stop
  4. You cry and cry and/or put on your mask to hide your pain.
  5. You get perspective by talking it through with friends or a therapist.  You begin to see the situation and events that lead up to it and you come to terms with your own feelings about it and yourself many, many weeks later and sometimes it takes years for some people to get over the betrayal.
  6. Finally you may ask to meet him or her to understand why.  You listen s/he talks, you talk and s/he listens.  Hopefully it gives you closure or room to negotiate the terms of the ‘relationship’.
  7. Or you never get closure because you do nothing about it and carry it around with you only to repeat it in later life.

All three stories are about vulnerability and where it takes you;  “I am vulnerable, it’s scary as hell but I either learn to cross over this bridge or stay on it for the rest of my life.”  Choose to work through it with awareness and use all your faculties to understand what is happening to you and you will cross over to a new place in yourself, a lighter and brighter place in yourself.  If you choose to be lost to your vulnerabilities and clam up, you will build walls around you that will some day fall in on you?

We are not condemned to suffer.  We are on a live stage all day every day.  We can choose to be a victim, a walk over, someone to be used and or abused in any way by anyone and especially yourself.  Or you can choose to be the hero/heroine of your own story.  How would it feel to be that character on lives stage?   You have developed qualities that will take you through any storm.

Hero’s and heroines are courageous, empathic, compassionate, kind, loving, and fearless, charismatic, and self-loving people.  Practice being that character in your own life and see what happens to you.

Never, ever give up on yourself.   There is more to you than you might see or feel right now if you are in a painful place.  Remember you matter to you and those around you who love and care about you.  Life is an ongoing process, to be stagnant is not good, and to be freely moving is a whole lot better.

“Knock, knock”

“Who is there?’

“The Possible Self.”

“Go away I am miserable”.

“Knock, knock,”

“What?’

“I will always be here for you!”

“OK”

Make it a wonderful weekend and keep on wearing your smile.

©Copyright The Possible Self 2012

info@thepossibleself.com

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www.thepossibleself.com

It’s a very spring like day today on the French Riviera.  It’s getting warmer and the days are lengthening.  Birds have been chirping since 6.30am; sweet sounds which seem to be from very small birds.  Strange thing is I never see them fly about.  They are hidden in the trees above my terrace.  And a boat is heading out to sea.   They have told the harbour master where they are going and when they will return. They are focused and on purpose.

I am on purpose too when it comes to abstaining from coffee.  I made it many times over the weekend for friends and family and I had no wish to break my resolve.  My ‘monkey mind’ was babbling on about all the reasons to have one; it didn’t happen.  It must be by 60th day without coffee.   We can really do anything we put our minds to within human reason if we take the first step and follow through on our decisions because we chose to make changes that are good for us, nothing to do with anyone else.   Coffee was making me ill so goodbye coffee.  What works and does not work for you?   What choices have you made and for what reason?   Are they good choices for your health, mind and well being?

Are you focused on your ‘life plan’ today?

Which tasks will you start and which ones will you finish?

Is your ‘to do’ list getting shorter and shorter or longer and longer?

When I ask that question during a Possible Self program I generally get two answers:

  1.  What ‘life plan’?
  2. Which ‘to do’ list?

When I ask if they ever had a ‘personal life plan’ to achieve various changes and developments in their life.  The answer is “on and off and I never stick to my plans.”

When I ask how many times in a week/month/year they make a ‘to do’ list, lists that make them feel energized, full of hope, excited and enthused about the potential for their lives.   The answer is generally “a lot and it lasts for a week or so, I forget about the list and make new ones over and over. The same stuff keeps on re-appearing.”

When I ask how well they fair in their workplace past and present making plans and achieving them.  The answer generally is  “almost always”.

When I asked why that is.  The answer is,  “I get great satisfaction doing a job/project well, it’s easier doing it for others, I get paid, I get acknowledgement and I get promoted on occasion.  The motivation is different.  I have a different value in the workplace”

When I ask what stops them taking control of, and or directing their personal lives in the same way as they do for others at work.  The answer generally is down right laziness, self-doubt, lack of self-worth, fear of failure, a lack of self-motivation and that leads to procrastination.

Imagine that you have three coats you wear as you live your life;

1.  one to work which gets ‘stuff’ done

2.  one for your personal life which, doesn’t really get ‘the stuff’ done

3.  one for the life you imagine and is possible to achieve.

How does it feel to wear each one in turn and how are they different?  How do they affect your self-worth, motivation and sense of self?

Which one would you like to wear today?  Why?

 

We have explored fear in a previous week, and know there is fear that is necessary for our survival and safety.  And there is fear that helps us to really thrive ‘feel the fear and do it anyway kinda attitude’.  Procrastination; the place between intention and action, is the place where too many people dwell.  Stuck by in-action.  It’s the place where you don’t turn up in your own life.  It’s the place that stops you from being there for you to activate your personal plans.

All the selves are there waiting in the wings to be on purpose about your plans, but the ‘director-self’ got distracted; checking his or her email, skyping and chatting to friends, browsing the net, looking at pornography, eating and drinking too much, taking substances that dull the feeling of fear and procrastination, moving stuff form one place to another and back again, too busy making plans about plans, reading books, watching films, documentaries about people who have achieved their greatness, watching sports etc; being the spectator to everyone else’s life and not getting to know and develop their own life.  Why?  Why be a hero/heroine in the public/work life and not in the personal life?  We sabotage our own intentions and keep on doing it until it manifests itself in illness of the mind or body and our spiritual glow weakens.  Time passes and next year we are in the same place again.

BUT HEY…IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY.  YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT EVERY TIME.  Your stage is always set; the lights are always on waiting for you to turn up in your own life.   So long as you have breath and can wear your smile, so long as you can laugh at yourself and your situation, so long as you choose to be in process; to feeling and knowing self-love, self-kindness and self-determination, you can stop the self-deception and self-sabotage to achieve your own personal plans.  You can have integrity and balance in your life and be the same person in both your public and private life.  Like the boat that left the port this morning you will come and go on many journeys that will create an inner confidence to live your plans.  Your plans are your intentions to enjoy and be excited about your life on planet earth, giving and receiving.

Choose to live all of your life!  It’s now or never!  The only time you have is the space between birth and death.  What age are you?  Your life is not a dress rehearsal.  Take the first step today.  ‘YOU’ are  your own project.  What is the one thing you want to achieve this week, month and or year?  Begin that process today and keep on course day by day monitoring your process.  Achieve one thing and that will give you the confidence to make other changes and or to improve what you already have.   Be brave, be courageous do it because you told yourself you would do it.  Aren’t you worth it?

Do it with a smile, it helps every time.

 

“A ship is always safe at the shore – but that is NOT what it is built for.”  Albert Einstein

“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”  Napoleon Hill

“Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.”  Benjamin Franklin

“Love like you’ll never be hurt,

Sing like there’s nobody listening,

And live like it’s heaven on earth.”  William P. Purkey

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”   John Lennon

“Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.”   Frank Zappa

“Never confuse movement with action.”  Ernest Hemingway

©Copyright The Possible Self 2012

info@thepossibleself.com

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© Copyright 2012  www.thepossibleself.com

It’s a beautiful day on the Mediterranean this morning.  No clouds worth mentioning except those on the horizon.  A glistening silver stage awaits the next act in your continuous story….what will it be today?

No coffee and it’s day 22.  Not bad!  When you follow through on a resolution or decision then you know you can change many things about your life.  I have passed the place of whinning and complaining and have arrived in a place of possibility.

Imagine you are the editor in chief in your own audio-visual edit suite.  There you have your complete archive of your memories including your dreams.   As you go through the memories that make up your lives story you count all the cups of coffee you drank over your life time, all the alcohol, sweet food, food high in preservatives and colorings, mind altering substances, fried food, contaminated food, food that makes you ill, organic food, whole-food etc.

What if you edited all the clips in your life where you felt loved, secure emotionally, spiritually and financially, afraid, vengeful, angry, content, sad, blissfully happy, excited, creative, imaginative, interested, curious, selfish, controlling, humorous, healthy, fit, ill, unhealthy etc.?
What would you learn, understand, think about yourself from these clips about yourself?
What of these memories would you like to re-shoot (imagine it) and edit if any?
When you play back these imaginative sequences how do they make you feel?
Could you make them a reality, or do you need to some research and rewrites before you shoot and edit the way you would like yourself to behave, eat and drink, think etc?

Back to this weeks topic on ‘fear’.
If you were to watch all the instances of fear in your life; when as a child and young adult you were afraid of the dark and cookie monster,  the times you overcame your fears,  fears that terrorized you as an adult and perhaps still do, and how fear excited you to do things you wouldn’t ordinary do.  As you watch each sequence take notes of how you feel and think watching them.   What would your possible self advice you to do about your fears in the various sequences of your story.   Now imagine that you put into action the advice that your possible self gave you on your various fear factors.   You are back in the edit suite and you compile all the past, present and imaginative (the possible self sequences) sequences as a linear story.  You watch the story.   How does it make you feel?

It’s like watching your child learning to swim;  they get very brave and go the  length of the pool, down the deep end, splattering and kicking determined to get to the other side.  They arrive out of breath and full of excitement.  They did it.  That takes, determination, it’s bravery, it’s tenacity, it’s courage, it’s the stuff of life.  And you stand on the end they arrive at and applause the mighty trust they have in themselves.   Their self-esteem and self-worth soars and the smile on both your faces tells the story.

Each time we achieve something we set out to do, it has that wonderful feeling of being soooooo alive.  We are our own heroine and hero.   And there are so many heroes and heroines out there.   Google and find their stories in sport, music, business, literature, innovation, education etc.   Take courage from their stamina and drive.   Read as many stories as you can and see what effect it has on your possible self.   All ‘your selves are your team.   Getting them to work together and focused in the same direction is part of your task.  The love-self cannot be sitting on the fence thinking about a lost love.  The dreaming-self cannot be away in another land.  The remembering-self cannot always be busy archiving and cleaning your library.  Gather them all and have a meeting with them and do what athletes do;  have all the selves focused in the same direction helping you to achieve a dream, a goal, a decision, a task you set for yourself.   The energy you exude when you are in this pace is infectious and other people will want to do the same.

Wear your wonderful smile as you go through your day, thinking of the possible self and what you want to achieve.

“It’s lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself.” Muhammad Ali
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.”  Marianne Williamson
“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.”  Marie Curie
“I’ve not ceased being fearful, I’ve gone ahead despite the pounding in my heart that says: turn back, turn back, you’ll die if you go too far.”  Erica Jong
“I do not believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoyed the process.”  Oprah Winfrey
“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.”  Helen Keller
“Not everything that is faced can be changed but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” Lucille Ball
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. you must do the thing which you cannot do.”  Eleanor Roosevelt
“You have no control over what the other guy does. You only have control over what you do.”  A J Kitt
“The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.”  Vince Lombardi

“You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.”  Michael Jordan
“My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging.”  Hank Aaron
“The way a team plays as a whole determines its success.  You may have the greatest bunch of individual stars in the world, but if they don’t play together, the club wont be worth a dime. “             Babe Ruth
“When someone tells me the is only one way to do things, it always lights a fire under my butt. My instant reaction is, I’m gonna prove you wrong.”   Picabo Street
info@thepossibleself.com

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We have a dramatic sky on the Mediterranean this morning as the sun peers through the Nimbostratus clouds.  The second brand new day of week eight of 2012.

Did you you notice that today is a palindromic (reads the same when read backwards as in  “A man, a plan, a canal: Panama) date: 21 02 2012.  There won’t be another palindromic date this decade.  Interesting information from a friend this morning on skype!

Day 21 and no coffee.   The monkey mind is beginning to get tired of complaining about not having it.  To-day I made coffee for my morning guests and it was all ok.   No major cravings.  So peace reigns in that part of my being.

One of my guests was a five year old delightfully curious and humorous girl.  She helped to take this morning’s photograph.   As she peered out at the morning sky she asked me:  What would it be like to live in the clouds and so we got talking about the feeling of different kinds of clouds and we looked at them online etc.   Her exploration got me thinking about clouds as a metaphor for our mind-scape’s atmospheres and moods we live through at times:

Are they sticky clouds, which cling onto you as you get ready for your day?
Are they foggy clouds that cause you to struggle to find your way?
Are they dry, white light fluffy clouds that create a sense of comfort, protection and warmth?
Are they wild heavy fast pacing clouds that hurtle you so fast along the way that you don’t know where you are going and why you are doing what you are doing?
Are they dark, heavy polluted clouds that drain your energies?
Are they wispy clouds that create mystery and encourage curiosity and creativity?

We are all so different in our own personal universes of life.  The more aware you are of your clouds the better you are at weathering the storms and enjoying the sunshine.   Like the gardener you stay present to watch over your scape 24/7.   Some days you achieve a lot and others nothing at all or so it seems.   You observe other people’s lives in the living world and in films, soap operas, opera, music, art, literature etc. and we see the seeds they scatter and tend in their mind-scapes with; love, kindness, empathy, fear, compassion, creativity, anger, understanding, awareness, sadness, joy etc.   Some of the stories, emotions, feelings and thoughts resonate with you and your life; we all go through them in some way in our lives.

How did you get on with your fear assessment from yesterday’s list?

Do I know fear?  Yes I do.

Alfred Hitchcock movies in particular used to stimulate my imagination to the extent that I was gripped by fear of the dark, hands grabbing my legs getting into bed and sucking me into some underworld that was even darker than the dark I was afraid of, and outdoor lamps became horrid faces looking at me. These were among the many sensations I had around the age of six or so.   Bedtime became a ritual of sweeping fear objects and people away before I went to bed.   I would stand on the step down into my bedroom I shared with my siblings, and reach in with the brush underneath my bed.  When I knew there was nothing there I would jump onto my bed, then travel over the bed onto a dressing table and onto the other bed in the room, do the same sweeping, then pull the curtains closed before the street light became a very horrible face, which it did if I looked at it for long enough, then back onto the dressing table, reach over and open the wardrobe door and brush inside to be sure there was nothing evil there that would get me, close the door,  put the brush on the floor next to my bed, cover my head and pray to my guardian angel to protect me ‘til morning.   The worse thing that could happen is that I would wake in the night and the dark would send my imagination into overdrive, so I would pray and pray ‘til the light came and I was safe again.  Every time that Alfred Hitchcock and such programs and films came on TV my mother would say “Áinne, bed or you will be climbing the walls.”   My grandmother gave me a prayer to protect me and I used it like a mantra that I kept repeating as I fell asleep.   Fear of that nature dribbled into my life as I grew older until in my late 20’s I got to enjoy the dark by just sitting in it on my own in a forests, by the sea, in the countryside and cities and rationally worked out the sounds and sights that were there.   I also rationally worked out the fix that my grandmother gave me to get through this fear of the dark.   It could have been a teddy bear; it could have been any object that created a security that protected me from the dark.

That’s how I got to know and overcome fear.   I now know the level of it that is healthy to keep me safe in the world and the level of it that is destructive in my life.   Fight or flight are the two reactions to fear, both relevant depending on the situation.   Courage was my answer to fear.   I braved it to stay alone in a forest in the dark throughout a night and walked home all in one piece with my imagination intact and wearing a really big smile.   There is a big difference between fear and anxiety in my experience.   I get anxious about my children, my welfare, my friends, events etc. at times.  The level of anxiety can be as crippling as fear was for me in the past.   However, just as I overcame my fear of the dark in a rational way I now do the same about my anxious times.

In conclusion, let me suggest a way to process these times of fear and anxiety as an adult.  Write and keep on writing.  Put words on a page and more will follow.   The ‘experience-self’ interviews ‘fear’ asking questions like:

Who are you?
Where have you come from?
Why are you here?
What do you want?

Write the answers from fear’s perspective as you feel them in your body and mind.   The experience-self is you in the now of every moment of your life.   Then switch roles and write a dialogue/conversation between the ‘remembering-self’ who is in charge of your archive of memories, and fear.   When you have finished that conversation, ask the ‘possible-self’ what thoughts it has on the writings and see where that conversation takes you.  This only works if you are honest with yourself and get in touch with your thoughts and feelings.   Imagine doing this exercise for another person.  No problem.  Now do it for you in self-love.   Once you have done this exercise (and maybe you need to do it many, many times to get to know your fears and anxieties) you are on track to getting to understand and appreciate who you are.    Most of the time you have the answers and know how to overcome fear and anxiety as it comes up in your life.  When you acknowledge it and do something about it, you feel lighter and more energized.   If you remain crippled by fear or anxiety you are like a garden-scape being crippled by poisonous weeds wrapping themselves around the plants and stealing all their nourishment and daylight,  and you know what that does do your garden: same in your mind-scape.   Your well-being in mind, body and spirit is affected in a very negative way by holding on to fear and anxiety and to do something about it is the journey/process to a healthy and joyful mind, body and spirit.   If the weight of fear and anxiety is too much for you to handle on your own then find the therapist, person, books, programs etc that will work with you to lighten your load and bring sunshine into that part of your life and clear away some of the stickier clouds.  You can bring your writings with you to a therapist as a place to start the process.

Write about the fears and anxieties you are having and see what comes up for you.  They are nothing to be ashamed of.  They are all part of us on this human journey.   Good days, bad days and in between days.   If your car was consistently leaking oil you would do something about it.   Why ignore your mind-scape?   Imagine if you overcame your fears and anxieties or had a way to process them as they arose, how great would that feel?  It takes courage to do that for you, it’s you practicing self-love; the possible self in action with the other selves.

Life can be very beautiful, especially when you keep on wearing your smile……

“Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.”   H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom.”   Marilyn Ferguson
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”   Eleanor Roosevelt

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It’s a grey day on the Meditterean.   Nimbostratus clouds block out the sun’s rays, and yet some light streams  over the bay as rain falls in the distance.   It’s a new week and a new day begins for all of us.  Start again today on any resolutions that may have slipped out of control over the weekend, get up and go again with more resolve than before.  Your possible self is always ready!

Twenty days and no coffee.   I was out and about over the weekend and each time I abstained.  It’s working!  It’s  taking discipline, some willpower, tenacity, self-kindness and self-love to abstain.  So far so good!

It’s an appropriate grey day to introduce this weeks topic on ‘fear’ and what fear means to us.   You often hear people say, “I am afraid it’s going to rain.”  How can you be afraid of rain?  If you were planning a picnic, then the rain may spoil the event and it may make you sad, because you were really looking forward to it.   The statement could also mean that you had better plan an alternative.  Using fear in this way is trivial to some and very serious to others.

There are so many ways to experience fear on so many different levels. Lets explore.  How do you experience fear:
Fear of the dark
Fear of creepy crawlies -spiders etc.
Fear of water
Fear of heights
Fear of fire
Fear of flying
Fear of noise
Fear of specific animals
Fear of open spaces
Fear of pain
Fear of insanity
Fear of losing a loved one
Fear of someone in your life
Fear of being ill
Fear of not being able to earn a living
Fear of death
Fear of losing all you have
Fear of not being liked
Fear of being overweight                                                                                                                                                    Fear of not being beautiful enough                                                                                                                         Fear of being too thin                                                                                                                                             Fear of aging
Fear of being on your own
Fear of your own arrogance
Fear of being found out
Fear of speaking in public
Fear of intimacy
Fear of not being able to take care of yourself
Fear of being attacked
Fear of war
Fear of thunderstorms and tornados etc.
Fear that you can’t trust yourself                                                                                                                          Fear of not being loved
Fear of loving yourself and another
Fear that no one will miss you
Fear that no one cares about you
Fear of anger
Fear of love itself
Fear of some dreams
Fear of fear itself
Fear of failure
Fear of success
Fear of loosing your hair
Fear of rejection
Fear of being ridiculed
Fear of freedom
Fear of being happy
Fear of performances
Fear of physical wealth
Fear of physical poverty
Fear of addiction
Fear of change

I suggest you make a list of the things, people, places etc. you fear most.   Tomorrow I will explore fear and what it does to us emotional and physically.
Is courage the opposite to fear?

“Everything I’ve ever done was out of fear of being mediocre.”  Chet Atkins
“Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs.”  Leo Tolstoy
“If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.”  Albert Einstein
“Do one thing every day that scares you.”  Eleanor Roosevelt
“People are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of them.”  Epictetus
“Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.”  Aristotle
“When you say or do anything to please, get, keep, influence, or control anyone or anything, fear is the cause and pain is the result.”   Byron Katie
“Do not be afraid of the past. If people tell you that it is irrevocable, do not believe them.”                 Oscar Wilde
“Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.”               Hafiz of Persia
info@thepossibleself.com

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